Youre a funny guy, Charles. Im laughing, not a crying. Ha, ha. Im laughing because youre about to give up on a woman who is infinitely lovable. For instance: Paul. He has loved me since the eighth grade. Sure, hes a little creepy, but he reeeeally loves me. Hes made one hundred twenty seven passes at me, proposed forty seven times, and sent me over two hundred original love sonnets. He sees something in me, Charles. And he writes it down, in metered verse! And thats not something you just find every day; someone who really loves everything about who you are as a person.
Paul may be insane, but I value his feelings for me. I would never ask him to sign his name to a piece of paper promising to just turn off his feelings for me forever. But thats what youre asking me to do, for you. To sign away my right to¦ to that sweet voice Charles, those baby brown eyes, the way your hands feel through my hair before bed¦ Those arent things I want to lose. In fact, I wont lose them. I wont lose you. Ill woo you. Ive written you a sonnet. Shall I compare thee to a summers day?
Thou art more lovely, and more temperate, rough winds do shake the darling buds of May and¦ Im not crying. Im laughing. Its all a big joke. Its very funny, Charles. I keep waiting for you to say April Fools. Then Ill rush into your arms and¦ But youre not going to, are you? No, of course not its not April. I, I didnt really write that sonnet, you know. Paul did. I think its good. You see, the truth¦ the truth is, Charles, I ate the divorce papers, I ate them, because I cant stomach the thought of losing you.